Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Cry me a river

I guess the hormones are really starting to get to me, because I'm having trouble holding my tears back on a regular basis.

I was watching the movie P.S. I Love You yesterday and I cried through the entire movie. I seriously don't think my eyes were dry at all. And then, when it was over, I downloaded five songs from the movie and played them over and over again, still feeling weepy.

Today I found out that a girl I know from a message board I'm on, lost a coworker in a motorcycle accident, and she left behind a three year old daughter.

Nik has said to me recently that he wants to get a motorcycle to save on gas (since the prices are through the roof). Of course I had to send him a long, sappy email about how he would break my heart if he ever got one. I couldn't handle losing my husband like the woman in P.S. I Love You. It makes me even more sad thinking that I don't think Nik will ever take these concerns seriously. When it comes to worrying, he is practically the exact opposite as me. My only saving grace is that I don't think he is serious about getting a motorcycle.

As if it isn't bad enough getting all upset over sad stuff like that, I am getting teary-eyed over happy things as well. Thinking about my daughter, the fact that I'm actually going to have a daughter, feeling her move around and kick, it's all too much to handle without shedding at least a few tears. And I am sad to think that she can't be here with me right now. Yet, I feel so guilty for even thinking that, because if she were to come early, that would mean very hard times for my little girl.

I was reading a blog this morning about family size. The blogger asked how do we know what size family is right for us. While I was reading all of the replies about parents who know they want to have big families, I started to get choked up again. Nik and I want to have a big family and thinking about all of the good times we have ahead of us is so sad in a happy way. Sad because we have to wait for that, but happy because it is going to be so amazing when it finally comes. I'm having a hard enough time waiting for this little one to come, and still it will be so many years before our family is actually complete.

I'm sure once Christina makes her big arrival though I'll be kept busy for awhile. I am so much looking forward to that.


  1. heres another movie to stay away from, What Dreams May Come.

    sweet but sad.

    i know once Christina comes Nik'll kick into protective Daddy mode. don't you worry.

  2. if it makes you feel better, I cryed a lot during P.S. I love you too!


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